Please Read This.

Alexander McQueen, legend

FINALLY, after two weeks of disappearance, I got the will to share with you guys the story of my so-called-amazing-life. It's 3 in the morning and by the time I finished typing, it might be 4 am so I guess I'll sleep like I haven't sleep for months after this. I just feel like taking a break. Too many things happened and the truth is, I don't even know where to begin.

These past few days, I've been "stalking" my so-called-friends. Stalking is a strong word, I'd say - "intense research". Well, I know it's unnecessary for me to write about this but I read what they wrote, I even tried to imagine what it's like to walk in their shoes. I tried imagining all that. Oh, what a bad friend I am, talking behind their back. And truth is, no one even cared about how I feel. I don't know, some of you might say 'Yes, I do care" or some might say "Oh, bitch please.."

Hmm, I'm not perfect, I can't make you like me, I can't please you, I can't, okay, I can't. If you don't like me, say it, don't just pretend because your act is a failure. I can see it deep in your eyes. And don't ever blame me if I treat you wrong. Hate me hate me hate me. You're the only troubled friend I have! And I hope you're reading this. I was gentle enough, but you, you chose the wrong option. I feel sorry for you. Bitching over the internet is not acceptable. I don't wanna be like you; talking shit about peeps around you, but since you don't wanna confront me, and be a gentlewoman, I just need to say something;

Thank you for talking behind my back!

Good night!

I am a sinner, forgive me for what I have sinned for.

TRUE.

I made a mistake, a very big one indeed. Should have just kept it to myself. You and you, have the right to disrespect me. I am giving you the permission to do so. This is not right, I over-analyzed things. And hurt other peoples' feelings. Sigh. It is best for me to go, away from each and one of you.

 I am a sinner, and will always be one.

To The Chosen Ones

P/S How I wish I could turn back the time and restart all over again

I want to apologize. I've been bad, I've been acting so bad, or whatever you wanna call it, I just want to say sorry. I've been thinking about how I misbehaved these few days, during our friendship and I came to a point where I think everyone around me is annoyed with my existence, my dirty talk and stuff, you get it. I just want to start everything from scratch. It is quite hard to ditch the bad habits but I will try my best. I am no good. I bitch a lot.

But people just dont know what I feel inside. 

If bitching about me makes you feel better, then go ahead. If you think that I am not worth your attention, then ignore me. If you think that I am a slut, hate me, tell your friends. Think or say whatever you want, but I am just gonna be me.

Aku tak perasan cantik. I just walk with confidence so that my enemies wont see me sweat. So that my admirers will adore me so that those bitches pee in their pants. Say whatever you want, you don't know what I feel inside. Inside, my heart beats a thousand times faster. Inside, my lung is screaming out loud. Inside, I just want things to end quickly nor end things quickly. You don't know exactly what I feel because you only see what I choose to show you. And if you dare say things about me because I, Mawar Amin do not talk about you unless you mess with me. Please, if I rarely talk to you, that doesn't mean I am badmouthing you. Okay? I have other stuffs to talk about. Call me uncool or whatever, I don't give a damn. This is my way to keep my friends. But think, hows your way to keep yours?

Please, I am not even an inch worried about your existence.  Sorry.

This is an essay, a confession. If you've come to this point, I just want you to know that I've been through a lot. And I know you did too. I've learned from my mistakes and don't you ever think that you're better than me because we are both the same. 

I am so sorry for doing an entry like this. Goodbye. 

Happy Fathers' Day

 

Mohd Amin b. Omar

 

Happy Father's Day Papa. I love you so much and I am sorry for every single tear that dropped because of me. I was young and naive. Now I have become more mature and respected you more than before.

Thank you for sending me money when I needed them. Thank you for paying every single thing that I asked you to pay for. Thank you for everything. I know money cannot buy us happiness but I know, the bond between us will never be burned.

You're the best. 

No Title Because I Feel Empty.

In another world, I wanna be a bird. Reincarnation.

I, sometimes feel like leaving everyone behind, running away from everything, I just want to be somewhere far, isolated, so that no one can know how much my heart hurts, so that no one can see my tears nor for what I fear. I am frustrated, and it has been for a while.