It Feels Nice

When you don't have to focus on anyone else but yourself. It feels nice being single. There's no turning back this time. It feels great. But no one knows exactly how I feel. But thank you for being such supportive friends, I'll be okay. 

Triple Zs

Smile while you can.

So basically this is another rant about sleep deprivation. I am in demand of some appropriate hours of  a good sleep, like seriously. Assignments are killing me and these past few days I've been sleeping at four or five in the morning, having to wake up early at eight. For Good God's sake, I need some sleep. Okay goodbye.

Love more, and all good things will be yours

Don't worry, you'll be okay

Funny isn't it, how one moment you guys were best friends, you guys were each other's crying shoulder. Funny isn't it when one moment you guys knew everything about each other, your deepest secret, shared together with your best friend. And funny isn't it because now you guys are perfect strangers from another past. What a waste, a beautiful friendship, ruined. What happened to feeling guilty?

Life. Humans. One moment you're up above the sky and the next minute, when you open your eyes, you're already lying on the ground, crushed. This is the vicious cycle of life, it's undeniable. Tell me, why is so hard for us to just let go of all the negative feelings and just start living positive? Why can't that thick wall of ego just vanished and never come back? What is the purpose of having people around you if you're gonna sit there alone and thinking why is life unfair? Please, stop thinking and for once, why don't you try work things out? Perhaps saying 'Hi' for a start? Trying is not a crime.

Some people might not realize they hurt you. But you, yes you, why don't we just forgive each other? Things will work out eventually. It's just a matter of time. Right? If you're gonna hate me for saying all these, please, think positive. It's for the good of us.

Don't live in the past, thinking about mistakes or changes you made. Think of your life as a book, move forward, close one chapter and open another. Learn from your mistakes, but focus on your future, not on your past. Everyone deserves a happy ending.

Another Baby I Want

I need to get a pair of new boots. I believe it is time for my Alexander Wang Frankie Creeper Boots to retire. So I found these lovely and super duper adorable Doc Marts Leopard Boots. Too bad I don't know where to get them. Any ideas anyone? I should check on e-bay perhaps . Talk to you guys soon.

Good night,

Mawar Musfirah

New Love

It is quite hard to say this but seriously I think I am falling for floral prints. Before I elaborate more, I would like to share with you guys about how I spent my day. Alright, first of all, I woke up at 8am, had a wonderful time in the toilet for almost half an hour. What is even bad than food poisoning? Last night (Thursday), I went to a dinner fully sponsored by my lame college and yeah, you can guess the agenda. Free food, second round, eat like a pig and the next morning - boooshhhhh. Dead. Good news is I have a presentation at 10am and another one is, everyone who went to the dinner got affected. Haha. My tummy hurts so bad but luckily it ended quick, phew. 

Back to the main point, I found this lovely Mary Jane today, definitely going into my wishlist and it reminds me of Miu Miu Spring 2010 Collection. And Forever 21 Floral Mary Janes. It's a combination of feminine yet classy, so this is a must-have!

But I still prefer this one even though it was from last year's collection

Not really floral, it's sparrow but still.. Classy.

Miu Miu Spring 2010

Optimist says it's Half Full

Instead of being such an emo bitch, I went through a "self-reflection" session early this morning. You know what, I am so grateful that I am ME. I read all my previous posts and I realized that I am such a grumpy person.I complain a lot. I want things to go my way. I am such a grandma, in a good way though? Well, I'm not perfect, far away from a perfectionist but in my very point of view, I think people should really appreciate themselves, duh. Some girls even starve themselves just because they want to be skinny. I am skinny. And I should be grateful rather than "I hate my thighs, they're so big and my legs are short, ugh!" Some people don't even have the chance to wear stylish clothes. And I should be grateful because I have more than enough. Not to say that I am stylish, the fact is - I have clothes that fits me well. Some people are short and my height is just nice, not too tall nor too short. Some people were born with straight hair, I was born with wavy hair. 

Some were born with imperfections, I was born perfect. So why should I be upset? 

I know why, because I know I can never be good enough for you.

Turns Me On Everytime

Asos Ablaze Super High Wedge, MUST HAVE

Picture Credit to theshoegirldiaries.blogspot.com 

So, it's been quite a long time since the last update about shoes. You all know I have this OCD about shoes. Name it, high heels, wedges, booties, flats whatever, I so need them, badly. I guess the last time I told you guys about how much I wanted Jeffrey Campbell Lita. I don't know why, but I can't stop from falling in love with it. Ah, there are so many shoes that I've been dying to try, including Giuseppe Zannoti's Leopard Wedge and also DSquared2 Skeleton Heels. Why is it so hard to this into reality? 

Never mind that, so I have added this super duper cute floral wedge into my wishlist, oh my, don't you find this perfect? It is beyond perfect. Plus, it comes in with leopard print design and a simple plain black too. AWW! Definitely a must-have. And I would collect one buck for every person that said "This shoe is tha sex babayh!" Oh yes, I'd be rich. Come on, agree with me, it IS the SEX!  

Life

Unisel, Lakeside Campus. Haha.

Looking at where I am right now, I can say that I've changed a lot. Attitude, appearance etcetera. I am not really happy. I forced myself a lot, extending my capabilities, I am trying so hard to live up to everyone's expectations. Why does it have to be like this? It's unfair, I guess maybe it is time for me to listen to my heart, oh wait, should have done that a long time ago. Ugh, why am I turning this blog into an emo blog? Crap.

The Most Important Thing Is To Be Loved

Yes.

I want to love someone whose heart has been broken, so that he knows exactly how it feels and won't break mine. This quote. I've been wondering why in the world some people are so damn heartless. Have you not get your heart broken? Because I did, in fact a few times, by the one I loved back then. Don't be ridiculous. Don't be such a bloody heartless person. Sometimes, people change because pain did that to them. Yes, it did. Sometimes people become who they are because of what had happened to them. Frankly said, I do not get the point where it is necessary or compulsory to break other people's heart just because your heart is broken. The reason is just not concrete enough, who taught you that? 

Charlie Sheen once said,

"The best way to not get your heart broken is pretending you don't have one"

So just pretend. It's worth trying. Thank You for being such a heart breaker.

Hey Ho

Calling me a bitch doesn't make you a saint.

Sometimes, when people call my name, I'd ignore them. Sometimes, when people say hi to me, I'd say hi back with a disgusted face. Sometimes, when people try to talk to me, I'd just walk away. Sometimes, I don't even feel like socializing. Sometimes, I feel like killing everyone around me. Shorten, sometimes I just wanna be left alone because I couldn't care less about what's happening around me. Everyone has to admit that they are all two-faced-backstabbing-bitch.

True, society killed us, in many ways possible. And we didn't even notice it, pity us much? Huh. We should. Stop being so judgmental, because you're not going anywhere with that so-called-useless-little-facts-of-yours. Okay? Just stop it. If you don't give a shit about my feelings, then why should I care about yours? This is NOT ego, and this is not revenge. This is how I want things to be. I'm pretty sure I am mature enough to make decisions for myself. And if I didn't meet your expectations, just go die, everyone will eventually. So no worries. And if you want to hate me because I treat you like shit, oh I'm sorry, do you think I was born to live up to your expectations? NO. Good.

Note to self: Sometimes, you gotta think of what's good for yourself and be selfish. Oh yeah.

Eid 2011

P/S I'm in love with the skirt! And of course, the irresistible JC Lita. Yummy! 

I haven't got the chance to share with you guys about this year's Eid. In fact, I totally forgot about it! Hows yours? Mine was OKAY. Not the best but I'd say this year is not as fun as last year's. I celebrated Raya at my dad's hometown in Muar. My cousins are all back except for those newly weds. Ah, including my sister and brother. They both celebrated Raya with their in laws. Never mind that.  I don't really know what to say actually, so basically, Raya is not as enjoyable as it used to be. And as we grow older, duit raya pun makin kurang eventually. That's the saddest part. Haha. Grow up Mawar!

Despite all that, I am grateful that I'm still alive to be able to taste another Ramadhan and Syawal. Eventhough I skipped a few days of fasting, intentionally or unintentionally, I am glad that I am still breathing and be able to finish everything that I started. And so is my family. Everyone is pretty much in the pink of health. To all of you out there, I am sorry. 

Let bygones be bygones.

Forgive me,

Mawar Musfirah

Yes, No, Maybe

P/S Skinny legs are so sexy, GRR

I don't know exactly what I am feeling right now. I am confused. It's a mixture of feeling lazy + wanting to do something and being the most unproductive human in the universe. I am bored or am I a boring person myself? SIGH. And I can't remember when was the last time I updated this pathetic blog of mine. I've been busy lately, I would kill (literally) to get some spare time for my hands to write something to at least share with you guys what I've been up to these past few days. As if I lead Paris Hilton's life. Gosh. 

Well, looking at the brighter side of life, I shall say, to make myself feel better, hmm, I bought a plaid jacket (more to a blazer actually) last Monday. I am not really excited about it, in fact I think the existence of the jacket in my closet is just a waste. A big one. I haven't touch it since the day I bought it. Ouch. I feel miserable every single time I came to think about it. Regrets. Yes, loads of them. Why did I purchase that? Whyyyy? Ugh. This is beyond frustrating. Indeed. 

I would love to show it to you guys but I just don't have the will to do so. That would require me to take photos of it, editing, and uploading it. Oh my, lack of energy, the momentum is just not there yet. Apology. And I am falling asleep now. I'm in desperate need of some quality sleep now because of my hectic schedule. Yea right. Another sad story of sleep deprivation. I wonder what my boyfriend's up to at this hour, I think I might give him a call. His voice would be lovely to hear before I begin my 10 hours journey to the world of fantasies. How cliche!

Have a great night readers. Remember, you are beautiful and no one can make you feel like you're not :)

Good night,

Mawar Musfirah

The Queen is Back

P/S I am definitely in love with DSquared2 Skeleton Heels. Perfecto. Must have!

And I command you to bow after me! Lol. Lame tactic fo sho. Hi everyone, how are you? I'm not so good, not in the pink of health and for that particular reason, I shall not be painting the town red tonight. Sigh, what have I become? An inordinately skinny bitch, oh my, you have no idea what I've been through, like seriously. Anyway, I just got back from the hospital and waited for my queue for about one and a half hours! Ah, the government! What do you expect from them? One more thing that pisses me off is that, while waiting for my turn, I received a message which is from Maxis (duh, who else), saying that 6% tax will be charged for every single topup. I was like, HOLY CRAP, why do you want more money? How clever, we're not pigs just so you know. 6% percent is fucking high and expensive! I'd spend 6% tax on FOOD and not to prepaids! Government, oh, you're a burden, not us. I wonder how the world would be like in the next 10 years, it saddens me a lot, especially when I need that 6% tax times to every single topup times for the next 10 years, no kidding, that's a LOT, I guess.

The word Government is very sacred actually, so I shouldn't be saying all that, geez, creepy. 

I'll talk to you guys later or maybe in a few weeks. Bye bye.

I need to practice ZEN.

P/S Quote for today. So inspiring.

Going back to college in 3 days and I am not excited at all. It's gonna be bloody hot over there. My skin is going to get burned. I need to buy a sunblock with SPF 3000++ To make it worse, I have a bloody medical check up every week because my weight is dropping. I weigh 38 kilograms right now. The doctor suspected that I have an eating disorder and I am quite upset because I don't want anybody to say that I'm an anorexic bitch. Blame this fever, its taking away all my appetite. Sigh. My love for food is now gone. And I don't even feel like drinking water. I just don't know what to do. I do know what to do but I can't do it. I just can't. I can feel my bones sticking out. And sometimes I have trouble breathing. It hurts so much. 

Stressful, and I really don't wannna go back to college because there are a bunch of judgmental cunts over there. I hate typical Malaysians. I hate college. I hate everything. But I love my life and I love those who never fail to make me happy. But somehow, I am dissapointed with myself. SIGH. Somebody please, tell me that I am worth having. I feel pathetic.